12 Short Funny Quotes about Sex

1. What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home. ~ Ken Hammond.

2. There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed. ~ George Burns

3. Sex is the invention of a very clever venereal disease. ~ David Cronenberg

4. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less. ~ Brendan Francis.

5. An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. ~ Edgar Wallace.

6. I would read Playboy magazine more often, but my glasses keep steaming over. ~ George Burns

7. I know nothing about sex because I was always married. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

8. Sex at the age of eighty-four is a wonderful experience. Especially the one in the winter. ~ Milton Berle

9. My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading. ~ Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

10. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships ~ Sharon Stone

11. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. ~ Robin Williams

12. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal

10 Short Funny Quotes about Sex

1. To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. ~ Cary Grant

2. If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

3. Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin.

4. When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better. ~ Mae West.

5. My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects. ~ Les Dawson

6. Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. ~ Woody Allen

7. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. ~ Woody Allen

8. I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls. ~ Groucho Marx

9. A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

10. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. ~ Woody Allen.

10 Short Funny Quotes about Sex

1. I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes. ~ Anonymous

2. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. ~ Anonymous

3. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner ("Tin Cup")

4. Sex relieves tension - love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

5. When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~ Author Unknown

6. Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. ~ Mark Twain

7. The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it. ~ Truman Capote

8. If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time. ~ Louise Sammons

9. When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~ Matt Groening

10. There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. ~ P.J. O'Rourke