Thursday, January 31, 2008

5 Funny Quotes about Murphy's Law

1. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ~ Murphy's Law

2.
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. ~Author Unknown

3.
It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. ~Author Unknown

4.
If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking around the house in the dark. ~Leopold Fechtner

5.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~Author Unknown

10 Short Funny Quotes about Sex

1. To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. ~ Cary Grant

2. If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

3. Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin.

4. When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better. ~ Mae West.

5. My wife is a sex object. Evertime I ask for sex, she objects. ~ Les Dawson

6. Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. ~ Woody Allen

7. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. ~ Woody Allen

8. I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls. ~ Groucho Marx

9. A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

10. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. ~ Woody Allen.

5 Quotes about Office

1. It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. ~ H. L. Mencken

2. At the dictation of a mathematician, it will solve in a matter of hours equations never before solved because of their intricacy and the enormous time and personnel which would be required to work them out on ordinary office calculators. ~ New York Times, 1944

3. Fools take to themselves the respect that is given to their office. ~ Aesop

4. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. ~ Robert Frost

5. The trouble in corporate America is that too many people with too much power live in a box (their home), then travel the same road every day to another box (their office). ~ Faith Popcorn

Sunday, January 27, 2008

10 Short Quotes about Friendship

1. The real test of friendship is: can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple? ~ Eugene Kennedy

2. Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never. ~ Charles Caleb Colton

3. When you choose your friends, don't be short-changed by choosing personality over character. ~ W. Somerset Maugham

4. Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies. ~ Gore Vidal

5. A brother is a friend given by Nature. ~ Jean Baptiste Legouve

6. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. ~ William Blake

7. Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title. ~ Virginia Woolf

8. The best mirror is an old friend. ~ Peter Nivio Zarlenga

9. If you would keep your secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend. ~ Benjamin Franklin

10. Odd how much it hurts when a friend moves away - and leaves behind only silence. ~ Pam Brown

10 Short Quotes about Love

1. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. ~ William Shakespeare

2. The definition of a beautiful woman is one who loves me. ~ Sloan Wilson

3. Jealousy is not a barometer by which the depth of love can be read, it merely records the degree of the lover's insecurity. ~ Margaret Mead

4. A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same. ~ Elbert Hubbard

5. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

6. A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. ~ Ingrid Bergman

7. A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. ~ Brendan Francis

8. In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two. ~ Erich Fromm

9. Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion. ~ Javan

10. If you judge people, you have no time to love them. ~ Mother Theresa

10 Short Funny Quotes about Sex

1. I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes. ~ Anonymous

2. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. ~ Anonymous

3. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner ("Tin Cup")

4. Sex relieves tension - love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

5. When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~ Author Unknown

6. Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. ~ Mark Twain

7. The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it. ~ Truman Capote

8. If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time. ~ Louise Sammons

9. When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~ Matt Groening

10. There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. ~ P.J. O'Rourke

10 Short Quotes about Happiness

1. While we are focusing on fear, worry, or hate, it is not possible for us to be experiencing happiness, enthusiasm or love. ~ Bo Bennett

2. You have no more right to consume happiness without producing it, than you do to consume wealth without producing it. ~ George Bernard Shaw

3. Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. ~ Ambrose Bierce

4. Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~ G. K. Chesterton

5. Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

6. Engrave this Quote "Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life. ~ Burton Hills

7. Engrave this Quote There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved... ~ George Sand

8. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. ~ Oscar Wilde

9. One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. ~ Rita Mae Brown

10. Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness. ~ James Thurber

10 Short Quotes about Life

1. It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts. ~ Millard Fuller

2. Engrave this Quote Life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with change and the unknown. Given the nature of life, there may be no security, but only adventure. ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

3. Nature gives you the face you have at twenty. Life shapes the face you have at thirty. But at fifty you get the face you deserve. ~ Coco Chanel

4. The first forty years of life give us the text; the next thirty supply the commentary on it. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

5. Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. ~ Langston Hughes

6. The tragedy of modern man is not that he knows less and less about the meaning of his own life but that it bothers him less and less. ~ Vaclav Havel

7. Assumptions allow the best in life to pass you by. ~ John Sales

8. Life was simple before World War II. After that, we had systems. ~ Grace Murray Hopper

9. Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~ Roger Caras

10. I slept and dreamed that life was beauty.
I awoke - and found that life was duty. ~ Ellen Stugis Hooper

10 Short Quotes about People

1. People only see what they are prepared to see. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. ~ Margaret Mead

3. I always advise people never to give advice. ~ P. G. Wodehouse

4. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. ~ Mark Twain

5. You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. ~ Abraham Lincoln

6. The only people who think children are carefree are the ones who've forgotten their own childhood. ~ Orson Scott Card

7. Many people claim coffee inspires them, but, as everybody knows, coffee only makes boring people even more boring. ~ Honore de Balzac

8. The happy people are those who are producing something; the bored people are those who are consuming much and producing nothing. ~ W. R. Inge

9. Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. ~ Kin Hubbard

10. We are the people our parents warned us about. ~ Jimmy Buffett